You know you're a teacher when...

OK, so here are some times in life when, as a teacher, you don't want to run into students you have previously taught:

• At McDonalds. Not so bad if you're catching up with a friend in the McCafe bit, having a coffee and a fancy-pants baked good. Not so great if you're stuffing your face with a Big Mac. By yourself. At the table right next to the toilets.
• On holiday, in particular when you are doing an activity of some sort, like perhaps mini golf. You're so enthralled with your losing streak that you don't recognise the three faces staring at you as you try and convince the FUCKING golf ball to go into the FUCKING hole or else you'll FUCKING pelt it into eternity where it can go FUCKING die with all the other FUCKING stupid balls.
• At the shops, which wouldn't be so terrible if only you had worn sensible clothes and not a checkered shirt and your tart shorts that creep up your butt crack, making you look less teacherly and more horny cowgirly. The school girl plaits in your hair don't help the situation, either.
• At a mutual friend's house. Not only is your visit ruined because you can't relax and say things like "shit" or "I hate children", but you have to be nice to the kid and their parents, who, GUARANTEED, were frickin' HORRIBLE to deal with in a classroom setting. Even worse when said kid is a complete brat and announces to their parents, your friends and complete strangers present that you were "a bit crap" during song time. I will have you know buddy that if I wanted to be a SINGER, I would go on Idol/TheVoice/X Factor/Farmer Wants A Wife/anywhere I could get my 15 minutes. INSTEAD champ, I chose to teach, INSPIRING and ENRICHING the lives of arrogant little shits like you. So shut the fuck up.
• At the supermarket. (I realise I have already said "The Shops", but it's MY damn blog. So sue me). Nothing worse than realising you and the parent of a past student are eyeing off the same caramel mudcake* that's on special and is the only one left. Even polite small talk doesn't win this fight, with you having to give up the cake out of politeness because YOUR the professional and THEY seem to really want their children to be hyped on caramelly-sugary goodness. I mean, what kind of parents are they anyway?? Get your kid an apple and let me enjoy what I'm entitled to. You're only gonna pack the leftover in your kid's lunchbox anyway, and, let's be honest; you and I both HATE your kid when they're bouncing off the walls after a sugar hit.
• In a carpark. You are SO CLOSE to being able to go home. Your car is JUST THERE...
• At your second job because as a relief teacher, you don't get paid over holiday periods. Of course this depends on what exactly your second job is. Things related to the field of teaching - like childcare for instance- aren't so bad. Selling head lice treatments while working at a chemist to an entire family whose youngest you taught and loaned your hat to that one time when they left theirs at home...yeah, not so great.
• Finally, you never, EVER want to run into past students or their families at Centrelink. 'Nuff said.

And before you ask, YES...these HAVE all happened to me. Would I lie to you?

*The purchasing of mudcake was done prior to current diet and said timeframe is now referred to as BTC - Before The Change.